I was hurt.

It is just a short conversation and i am given such a big disappointment.

I had a short talk with him when we were having dinner together.

The topic is to whether to get the flat @ the tampines area.

The showflat will be officially open for public to see today and tmr. And the application wise will be 7-Oct.
The conversation kicked off just naturally.
I stated that maybe we can see see the flat, looking at the designs, environment, how much will be the purchase prices and details.Since he will be on leave on Friday and I am really eager to see this "new" thing. I will also take half-day just to view.
Then everything turn out not something I want to hear and never expected this will be out from his mouth." Are we ready for it? As in commit? "

I paused.Immediately, many qns just flood into my mind .

1) what does he mean by this? Is he telling me that he doesnt wan to get married with me or does he want to see how thing goes & decide?

2) Am I pressurizing him too much?
3) Does he mean we shd wait for a later date and decide our path together?

I had this thought that he is worried that cash is a problem. And yet I am bring up this tamp flat that is soon to be launch.And closely followed by within 3mths we must produce the marriage cert.everything seems so sudden.

Maybe he is not ready for it and i understand.

I never insist I wan everything to work out in a short period of time ( although i mayb sound otherwise).if he finds that career, himself or me doesnt give him certainty. Just tell me off. But not a word of his, is assuring me what he is thinking or what is going thru his mind.

And he kept silent.

Whatever it is, I think i wish to thrash things out.

I explained in my point of view. I never say I wanted to get married in 2008 , he mentioned this "year" to me and seems ok.And I happily accept this and plan accordingly. ROM, Customary. flats, financial plans , have to be worked out. It doesnt seems logical to me that these can be done within 1year at all , so isnt it naturally i will bring up anything under the sun that concerns marriage?If bringing all these up is pressuring you, tell me so. but what does it mean by " are we ready for it? "

Even if i am hurt and crying out loud in my heart , i wont say a single word to reveal my internal pain.

Never will I mind if you wan to push the year to 2009 or 2010. but what will be emotionally affecting me is that " mayb you sound to me you hv doubt now and wanted to call of this wedding plans"

Now who is not ready?ME?

I dont wan to put it off so blurntly that does it mean you are doubt of yr feelings towards me or it is dawned to u that mayb we can only be gf or bf but not marriage couples?

i left everything to the benefits of doubts.Since you alwz keep silent, i will keep silent too.

Dont love me just walk out of my life and each of us will move on from there.Dont waste our time.
And dont waste my efforts to put u in front of everything and yet all I get is disappointment.Angry can cool down after some time , sad u can just cry out loud. Disappointment cant. and it is the same as love, it will heal after a long period of time.

I will leave it to him to tell me honestly what he feel when the cold war is over.